I gave in to my thoughts and did a small cut. I wanted to make sure that I could still overcome the fear, if I wanted to. I did wanted to make a deeper cut, but I didn't give in to that impulse. I still feel like doing it again, but I think I will just go and rest on my bed and hope I fall asleep.

I still prefer to bury that incident, and not think of it again. Constantly having that flashback will not make me write what happen. So I hope it will start to go away.

I felt the vein when I was cutting, and I wonder how much will I bleed if I just slice into it. I think I should focus on that next time.. when I'm not at home.

I seriously considered leaving my house just now, and I let that moment pass.

I think I failed my impulse check, because I cut twice more. I don't think it matters. I feel satisfied with the 3rd cut. So I stopped.

I think I couldn't deal with the flashback, so I make some calls to ask about it. It makes me mad that it's another thing that I need to deal with. But I wont. I don't want to deal with it. I will continue to bury it until it doesn't surface again. Mad, yes. but also so much more.. that could not be said.

I feel a lot worse this few days. I just really don't understand why it keeps coming back to haunt me now. I wish I could continue to forget about it.

I definitely need to stop writing, and hope that it will go away.