AN IDIOTIC CS

 As the time ticks down, our anxiety grew.

Yet we still sat unmoving, a little slouch on this chair.

Our brain mindlessly watch, the story on the screen.

We had a nagging brief thought, that we couldn't really see.

More like, didn't really want to see...

The dragging feeling, heaviness, pressure.

"what are you feeling right now?"

"nothing" we don't want to feel.

"nothing" is really better.

"nothing" is really safer, but it's not, is what we were told.

It reminded us of that time, when we sat quietly watching them. Feeling safe in our little cave.

They were so far, and quiet, we didn't feel the pain.

"it's better, to face them. So that we can heal and feel less fear" is what we were told.

We think he lies, our time had already past.

He's gone, and it's always not us, never will be us..

TAPPING ON A RAINBOW CLOUD

Humans are replicates of each other, replicates of emotions, and sensation. Constantly seeking desires and power. 

A little bit of good, here and there. We connect with people, and some of them touch us with gentleness and love.

Mostly, unlucky people, only know of pain and betrayal. The people in their life makes them see this world differently, through the eyes of someone who wished they don't belong in this world anymore.

The beauty of this world and universe, is so much more, then the pettiness and ugliness of human.

We switch between ourselves, someone confident and friendly, someone cheerful with a bit of childishness, or someone loving and understanding to people who don't even care that much for us.

Sometimes, we only wish to be done here, and wish to be somewhere else. Running through forest, floating through cities. Just being an observer, with no attachments to anything. 

To feel bliss, that this earth gives.

So simple, and simple.

MAGICAL PLACE

 Melody likes to daydream, and imagine that she wasn't in this world. She stares into the sky and thinks she sees a flying horse. She looks for magic places to hide and pretend that she is in them. Everything is peaceful and safe in a magical place.

She stares at the tree, that very same tree everyday like it's an old friend. There was just something special about the tree that stood taller then every other trees around it.

Classes and teachers fade away as she stares into the clouds and imagine what they looked like. 

Anything is better than the boring classes and what people perceived as home.

IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE

I don't think we should care anymore, about how people would think of us, especially, we shouldn't care what our therapist thinks of us if we continue writing this way. We should do what feels right for us.

It's just easier, to tap in here, while listening to soft melodies with rain drizzling around us. Everything feels so soft and mellow, like nothing else exists.

It makes us feel melodramatic like we are in a sort of movie that has a sad child playing it.

It rather suits us, because our life has been a series of plays. Here we write our script, of what happened. Like it's not real.

The fragmented memories were thrown away, tiny pieces of them, flung out of our brain. 

We didn't need them.

I, didn't know them.

As pieces of them comes back to me, I want to just run away and flung them away again.

I, didn't want them.

The movie is about a sad story, of a girl who wasn't love. Her mother is sick, her sister is a bully and her father is absent. Her therapist said that she was unlovable. He didn't said that, he asked and so maybe it is.

She grew up without knowing a lot of things and she was never part of this world.

In the end, it's a relief for her to finally go away to somewhere else. Surely anywhere else would be better. At the very least, she had felt what it was like to feel cared for just before she dies. It felt real, her therapist cared for her. 

It really matters to her, to feel real warmth and care from someone.

This time she learned that, maybe it was alright to feel care from someone.