I really need to go to the stationary stall to buy some stuff for office. some stupid stickers for the keys. I put it off just now, feeling that I don't want to carry my heavy bag with my laptop inside walking all around trying to find some stickers.
I guess I should go now. I impulsively scheduled another session, hopping that that will keep my mind off trying to kill myself over the weekend. Should I do it, or not.
Why is my life worth so little for me to think about death so easily. Well. I guess that's the problem. Feeling like my life doesn't matter and has 0 value in this world.
I'm not sure what's the point in scheduling the session. I understand that a lot of work needs to be done by myself. I just really don't know what to do or how to stop feeling this way.
I was feeling better, and then worse. and now I just feel too discourage. I'm just upset over the random intrusive suicidal thoughts. Maybe it IS the meds that are giving me trouble.
I know that the side effects affected me a lot. But like what should I do. I'm just so sick of all of this already.
What should I even say in session when I feel like I've already gone through almost everything about my past abuse with my mother. What do we even do in session if I have nothing to share.
Idle chats? Ask about him? lol..
He casually threw in some words last session. Which made me gripped internally, but, I don't think I showed any expression, I hoped. Actually I don't even remember clearly what he said, just the intense need to run away. What did he say actually? That it was too complicated and that's why he doesn't do trauma? Then why should I tell him anyway if it is too complicated for him.
We just cant talk about it. Literally, physically, unable to speak about it.
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