So when the medication wears off, i get bored bored and bored. still I had already taken my 2nd half of my meds and it feels like i could handle 1 tab maybe, but that would last too short.
Reading the notes from the doctor puts me at a bad place. Like the bubbles finally bursting and what's left is the emptiness.
A hard reality check, with words shouting at us that he is declining, and he would be gone soon.
Just not too long ago, I was even feeling resentful and wishing more from him for when I was younger.
but the truth is, he had a even more miserable and sad life really. all because of getting married to a wrong person and choosing not to divorce is just the biggest mistake for everyone except her i guess.
I wanted to write a long list of what I was resentful about, but I am too tired or lazy to even complain. Like why does it even matter.
Why does anything matter. wow. When will I ever recover from depression? is this still depression or am I just permanently not able to feel happiness anymore. well i am sure there is. self fulfilling prophecy, hmm interesting. yes i think i do have that, feeling like i would just never be happy again. Dr Geoffrey was just slightly off the mark.
Recently I had spent some time imagining or thinking about what would make me happy. I know that being love and feeling wanted would make me happy. well duh, obviously. but i don't want to rely on someone for my happiness though, that's just wierd and unhealthy and would probably lead me down to a possesive and obsessive relationship. I want to be able to BE happy, with me, and THEN have someone to share our life. It's not like I have never been happy before, right?
But WHY is she gone? Why is there just Anger left? doubting and hating those that hurt her and feeling insecure unsafe and unwanted. What should I do with HER?
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