So our mood is really low these days. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why. I really wished that he could tell us all these information bit by bit. or maybe he did but it still feels a lot.
There's a heaviness knowing that he had been married a long time, knowing that he is expecting a child, feeling like he's just going to cut us off soon.
We just want a little bit of his time. once a week 50mins. Why is that too much to ask?
Okay, the hard truth is, we want to be that wife, or that child. We want to be that someone who matter.
We want to be cared for, or want someone to love us.
He reminded us that there could be more, and it started to feel like we could want more. We are still dancing around that idea.
Why is he going to abandon us now. or in 6 months time. So the stupid thing is that he didn't say it's going to end, but the emotional part of me is just convinced that he would leave with all sorts of reasons.
self fulfilling prophecy, everyone will leave us eventually. nothing good will happen to us. yup. i think i really do believe that. how could anyone love us when even our mother couldn't love us or my sister just treating us like nothing. how did she make me feel? i said an ant, but another word came up and I didn't dare say it. it's a toy. like a broken rugged toy for people to play with. A lifeless doll, that gives people sick satisfaction and pleasure. am I just a toy?
Where did the list of question go. they went missing.
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