It was really more pain and grief then anger. Anger was still part of it, but the pain was so much that it felt blinding. The nature of my cries are silent. So quiet yet raging in my mind.
The thought of killing myself kept dancing in my mind. The pain lasted for a long time, even after I disconnected myself, hours later the pain comes back and eats at me.
Anger was blind so we cut, but I still have more control now. So we didn't bleed.
Anger was right, so I listened this time. and because Anger feels attached to therapy, there wasn't an insane need to walk out to kill ourselves.
The thought just kept dancing around in our mind.
We don't deserve to live, we are nothing. We don't matter. Anger keeps chanting, but yet also still wishing for therapy soon. so that someone will comfort her.
Anger doesn't wish to understand, but I know better. Therapy will also come to an end eventually. Maybe by then, we would have learn something or have something else.
In order for Anger to be gone, I need to die. In order for me to be gone, I need to die. Maybe the solution IS for me to die.
The sister is a joke and we hate her so much. We don't want to hide that fact anymore. I just can't do it. It hurts so much to let someone we care about hurt us REPEATEDLY. WE SHOULD NOT HAVE ALLOW IT.
NEVER.NEVER.NEVER.
No comments:
Post a Comment